“I’m 25,” I said, trying to seem proud of the number even though I’d just celebrated this birthday with a bit of dread about growing up. He nodded in surprise and didn’t offer his age until I asked for it. “You’ll never guess,” he said, which is when I tried to examine his face for wrinkles and his hair for salt-and-pepper grays—there weren’t any.
But you have to be sure you’re on the same emotional maturity level as him. Otherwise, “all of the things that can tend to make a relationship work—shared experience, values, communication, ability to handle conflict—could become obstacles or areas of disconnect,” Hendrix says. But there are a few things you should consider before jumping into a relationship like this, including emotional maturity, finances, children, ex-wives, and so much more. So I tapped two relationship experts, Chloe Carmichael, PhD, and Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, to break down the most important things you should consider before dating an older man.
Your weapons are friendliness, self-confidence, and maturity. Chronological age is conventionality, physiological one is the reality. Don’t neglect healthy lifestyle, including proper nutrition, gym, and cosmetology. He is well-groomed, smart, and dressed in a classic style. Pleasant gifts are an inherent part of romantic relationships.
Your partner isn’t a trophy to show off to your friends and coworkers, she’s a human with her own interests, struggles, insecurities and past. If that scares you, you might not this be ready for a relationship at all, let alone one with a younger woman. A young woman can be smart, witty and worldly, but she is, by definition, not mature or experienced.
The Perks—and Challenges—of Dating a Much Older Man
They never think about their age as a factor in their compatibility. Of course, these couples tend to be close in age. Modest differences in age, especially when men are older, tend not to preoccupy couples as they develop their relationships. Explore lived experiences from other young people across Canada. Learn from real-life youth stories, gain new ideas and ask questions to connect and inspire your own wellness journey.
Clearly, you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet, so why not go with someone older and more wiser? While all of these won’t be true of every older man , as a whole, you’re going to realize more of these benefits with an older man. “Openness should be a two-way street,” though, Carmichael says. So if the two of you feel like you’re in the stage of the relationship where combining finances could be in the near future, it’s important to be honest about where your money is going. That said, if he has kids from that relationship, that’s something else to consider.
Public Perceptions About Age Gaps
Is an older man, he may have a more flexible work schedule (or even be retired, if he’s way older), which means more free time for you. This can be refreshing for many women, says Hendrix, especially if you’re used to dating guys who don’t know what they want . But the truth is, this grateful feeling can be fleeting. These celebrity couples all have age gaps that span at least 10 years. If you struggle with confidence, dating someone younger could bring up feelings of insecurity, notes Schatz. You want to feel empowered in the dating game, so ask yourself if you feel good when you’re with the young buck and genuinely excited to spend more time with them.
I always seem to date guys between 10 to 20 years older than me, and from my relationships comes some of the best memories and experiences. So when entering a relationship with a big age difference, just remember to have thick skin, weigh the pros and cons, and do what you feel is right. It’s easy to default to thinking that asymmetries in a relationship are bad. But imbalances are inevitable—whether it be age, attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, success, family, mental health, IG followers, et cetera. But people bring different things to the romantic table.
Large age differences can bring up the possibility of unbalanced power dynamics. Porche explains that even in a secure relationship, an older partner might assume an authoritative role. A Korean study from 2015 found that age gaps in long-term relationships could impact each partner’s likelihood of experiencing depression. In particular, it found that same-aged couples had the lowest rates of depression, while couples with an age gap of 3 years or more had slightly higher rates. If your relationship has an above-average age difference, it might impact your connection in specific ways.
A girl will not notice it if you don’t mention ironically your gray hair once a day. A man tries to find a woman who looks like his own mother. In the modern world, people forget about the main thing, getting busy living, they forget about the relationship. Some of them are workaholics and social climbers, other ones don’t know how to communicate with girls, or they have already had unsuccessful relationships. Nonetheless, don’t let it put you down because there are so many chances to change the situation dramatically.
Couples with a five-year age difference were 18 percent more likely to divorce, and the divorce rate jumped to 39 percent more likely with a 10-year age gap, and 95 percent with a 20-year difference. The rule helps “keep you within an age range that will ensure more common interests with your partner, and also likely allow for better communication,” says relationship expert David Bennett. “However, if you meet someone outside of the rule that makes you happy, then I say don’t turn down someone you have a good connection with over a rule.” We see an increase in the age gap in the dating pool than ever before.
The truth is that age is not just a number, says Seth Meyers, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve. A relationship age gap bigger than 10 years often comes with its own set of issues. Age is just a number, but if you’re currently dating a younger man or you’re interested in doing so, it’s imperative to understand the six key elements of going younger.
Depending on your relationship needs, sexual desires, and realistic expectations for relationships in your 30s, 40s, and beyond, dating a younger man can either be an ideal choice or not the best fit. Remember every dating phase and relationship has strengths and strains. Differences can creep up at any stage even with a small age gap. Assess your maturity level before hopping into a relationship with an age difference, weigh the pros and cons. If there is chemistry, he/she is someone who complements you and makes you a better person, then there is nothing like it.